His Name was Earl

We’ll it’s all go here at BC Towers as work continues apace on the soon-to-be released new long-playing-45-type-album! Of course this is great news for anyone who possesses ears but not so good news for anyone who is trying to write an incisive and witty news blog based on the antics of the band. So whilst I thump around blindly for inspiration it’s a good time for a Bomb Culture Salute!...

Earl ‘The Greatest Session Drummer of All-time’ Palmer has passed away at the ripe old age of 83. Why is this relevant? Well me little chickadees, you may never have heard of Earl Palmer but you would have definitely heard his work. Here’s just a wee snap of the records he drummed upon:

Between 1949 and 1956, he played on Lawdy Miss Clawdy, I Hear You Knocking Tutti Frutti, Long Tall Sally, Summertime Blues, Something Else, La Bamba. In the 60’s he worked with Phil Spector and played on records by the Beach Boys, Jan and Dean, the Mamas and the Papas, Frank Sinatra and the Supremes, as well as two wall of sound classics: the Righteous Brothers' You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin, and Ike & Tina Turner's River Deep, Mountain High. Now all of that would have been fine and dandy but he also did the Mission Impossible theme, the intro to The Flintstones and playing on the opening credits for I Dream of Jeanie, Ironside, The Odd Couple and Mash.

So a pretty frickin’ amazing addition to the legacy of music allround eh? BUT WAIT! As it get’s better….Not only did he do all of this but…
At Cosimo Matassa's J&M studio, Plamer played on a succession of records that turned jazz, blues, rhythm'n'blues and country into rock'n'roll. Palmer provided the pulse helping the different styles coalesce, and was the first musician to use the expression "funky" to explain to his fellow musicians that they could make the result more syncopated and therefore danceable.
Yep, you read that right, he invented the word Funky!!! How utterly fucking cool is that? So in honour of not only playing on some of the most inspirational and downright greatest recordings of all time, but also inventing a word that defines….well everything that is cool….we humbly say, BOMB CULTURE Salutes You!!!!

Theres a whole obittuary of the great fella on the Guardian Website which you can find right here http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/sep/23/popandrock.usa

Tune in next time when we endeavor to make up our own new word but miserably fail and end up with a weird sound like slowly deflating bap.

Bomb Culture – Funky.

He Touched Posh Paws Inappropriately n'all!

Sometimes you just wanna shove your head up your arse and shout ‘Why God?!? WHY?’ It was this way when I saw a trailer for Noel Edmonds new Sky TV show last night about how he would (and I quote) ‘Fix Broken Britain’. What really licks my nuts about this is my long-held secret love for my Childhood Christmas Mornings with Noel. Who could resist the bearded wonder’s Xmas broadcasts from the top of Telecom Tower before a repeat of Morcambe and Wise and a televisual visit to Westminster Cathedral (Granted, by this time I would have been deep into my Beano annual, but you know what I mean.) So it gives me no great pleasure to show such hatred to the hirsute institution but ‘Broken Britain?’ What kind of shitty Daily Mai-ass-Sucking phrase is that? Well, y’know what Noel? Considering the condescending media whores that contribute to the abject cultural degeneration of society and the subsequent dumbing down of the overall information media by pandering to the lowest form of knee-jerk tear-squeezing reactions of the most idiotic members of society, then perhaps you should consider Britain is broke because of the attitudes of people like yourself. Or to put it more succinctly, go fuck yourself up a pole you saccharine- laden muff-faced little twat. But I digress….

Today’s big question is, of course… ‘Woz you there?’…. Where? Why the inaugural evening of MINT @ MEZE you heathen b’iatch. Due to the trustworthy speed of the British builder the second room was not actually finished on the night, so our good friends MUD were unable to play their set but we did get the funky funk of Ninja Pigeons and the scratchy squawk of Sicknote, all topped off with the banging beats of the irresistible Bass Pilots. ‘Hang on a mo?’ I hear you yelp, ‘What of Bomb Culture?’… Well, it all started rather well with a storming blast of the BC toons ‘Beg Me’ and ‘Pleasure Hive’ before Berty’s Computer mouse went the way of all things and decided to squeak it’s last…After a 10 minute scramble for another mouse we were back, but with a much reduced set. So cutting our losses were powered into the final two tracks and emerged hot, sticky, yet triumphant! A massive ‘Cheers M’Dears’ to everyone who supported us (and the first MINT @ MEZE) by coming out on a Thursday night and getting on down.

So a bit of a bummer for the Big Old BC , but a right royal Success for the first night of MINT @ MEZE. So what of the second night? Well like an unpleasant genital wart , another will appear pretty damn soon ( possibly November /December ). But, again what of BC? Well fear not me little chick-a-dees, to make up for our Berty’s 3 month- leg-bound- inactivity, BC are planning something bleedin’ enormous to round off 2008. Nothing can be revealed yet, but suffice to say, keep you New Years Eve free….Is that too much of a clue? Nah, I’m sure that’s pretty clue-free….Hmmmm …maybe I should make some spooky sounds to make it more mysterious…ooooooohhhhhhh…ahhhhhh…There, that’s better. No-one will ever know….

And finally, I’m sure you would have seen this before (IF NOT, WHY NOT?) but here in tribute to Noel Edmonds and his quest to heal us all, is a video of Chris Morris making him look like the arrogant fame-hungry bitch he really is….ENJOY!

Bomb Culture - We really do mean, take care

Massive Overuse of Exclamation Marks Shocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Up from the depths, forty storey’s, high, breathing fire with it’s head in the sky …MINT @ MEZE! Paaaa pa paaaa, MINT @MEZE Paaaaaapapaaaaa and Godzuki…la.la.la.la.laaaaaaaaaa…MINT@MEZE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Yes, friends,..here it comes, charging over the horizon like a pounding colossus of dance, the inaugural night of MINT @ Meze, a brand spanking new night thrown together in a fit of passion by our very own Mr Berty Trousers, and it is happening in Newport, S.Wales this very Thursday 11th September.

So what’s in store for all you young buck and buckes-ess then eh? Well let us begin with the bands….Firs t off are Ninja Pigeon, being neither a feathered botherer of bin-bags, or an ancient Japanese Warrior you could be furious at their outward lies, but instead why not just nod your head and wiggle yer ass to their very own brand of funky, dubby, elcectro toons. To find out what a Ninja Pigeon sounds like then travel here….I AM A LINK CLICK ME AS I LOVES IT BAD INNIT.

Next on the smorgasboard of delight is the headlining…. SICKNOTE. A true slap-bang-wallop of a band with beats and screaming soapbox rants to turn your head and give your ears the glad-eye. If you’ve never encountered this bunch of rapscallions in full flow, then gird your loins, grit your teeth and fly here…CLICK ME, I AM ALSO A LINK AND I TOO LOVES IT BAD INNIT… with all haste.

Of course, only a fool would throw such a party and not invite the Sexual Tyranysoraus that is…BOMB CULTURE! Oh yes, children we shall be rubbing your rhubarb and juicing your melons with untold delight as we once again beat ourselves against the drums of your ears…Hooo-HAAA!(Obviously no link as you're already here you clever person). As you're probably aware of what Bomb Culture looks like, here is a picture of the Larve of giant winged beast, Mothra leaning against the Eiffel Tower instead.

With all this live music you may think there’s no room for DJ’s and art-type shenanigans….Well your entitled to think that, but you would be oh, so very wrong! For your eyeballs will be delicately massaged by the sheer brilliance of Mr Sul of The Darkisde Gallery and his moving-picture-machine! To see his non-movable works, then travel to here…YES, IT’S ME OLD LINKY AGAIN, WAITING FOR YOUR HOT CLICK…Also for those with a visual bent are the sparkling TAFFIA and the scrumptious WHITE ROPE!!

And what of the DJ’s???Well Cor blimey but if it ain’t the Bass Pilots form the legendary Holodeck!!And who be that but Dr. Nitrogen from Critical Mass

‘Surely that’s enough to tempt us!!!’ I hear you cry..but NO! We ain’t finished yet, as there is a second room playing some delicious Dub Step hosted by MUD with ONE MAN DUB, MR BEN and MONDON.

So, are you dripping with anticipation and hot with quivering excitement yet??Well you bloody well should be.A full report on all of the shenanigans will be posted next week, replete with photos and badly constructed text! We’ll see ya there!

Oh and I think last word today goes to Russel Brand. Not usually someone who I find particularly amusing but kudos for his opening of the VERY high profile VMA Awards. It takes a lot of balls to say what you think in America, so all the better for this..‘People of America, please elect Barack Obama... on behalf of the world. Some people, I think they're called racists, say America is not ready for a black president, but I know America to be a forward thinking country, right, because otherwise would you have let that retarded cowboy fella be president for eight years? We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go because in England George Bush wouldn’t be trusted with a pair of scissors.’

Bomb Culture – It wasn't us Guv, we was down the pub wiv our mates.

Fair Do's innit.

Well, well, well... a lovely smackeroo to the chaps and chapesses that bowled along to the Lansdwone Hotel last Saturday for the Fair Play Festy where BC rumbled through a collection of their very greatest-est hits. A great time was had by all, and the peeps that put together such a damn fine festival should be given…ohhh…some chocolates for being so damn goods at it.

About a Grand was raised for War On Want and lots of people got mullered and danced their asses off, what could possibly have been better? Unfortunately due to a wee SNAFU, we forgot to take any photo’s of us actually playing, so here instead, are some photo's of the Art work and the general atmos.....

Anyhoooooo….. As the days of summer sink into a big wet puddle of irony, I’m of the mind that the only way to face the upcoming months of cold and (yet more) rain, is to attack them with the same level of optimism usually reserved for the start of Spring.

I’ve always found it a little Season-ist to look on Autumn and Winter as the poor relation to the Summer Months, and although I agree that the choice of outdoor activity is severely limited, there’s plenty going on indoors to keep even the most ardent of sun-worshippers happy. Take , for instance the brand new club night, MINT @ MEZE, on Thursday September 11th. To the casual observer this night would just be another way to escape the encroaching winter’s chill, but to those with a keener ear and a sharper eye, the names of SICKNOTE, BOMB CULTURE, NINJA PIGEONS and the BASS PILOTS, mean a celebration of everything that’s phat and fruity in the Welsh Music Scene. Add to that Live Art and deviant visuals from BC’s Very own visual Slut Mr Sul and his DARKSIDE GALLERY, and you have a night that positively screams at the darkening skies ‘Come On Jack Frost, bring your worst, we can handle it you big nosed bastard”.

Of course you may be the type of person who still sees the gathering dark clouds and inevitable chug towards grey-ness as something of a bummer, and if this is you, then fear not, Bomb Culture are here to take the strain, with this handy list of suggestions of ways to enjoy the winter….

1) Indoor paintball –With just a small bag of balloons and a tin of Emulsion, you can enjoy the fun and excitement of War! Why not try re-creating the hilarity of Vietnam? Simply drop a couple of tabs of acid and mercilessly hunt down your loved ones as they scamper about the pot plants with lampshades on their heads. For that added bit of authenticity why not try it again 30 years later by simply spreading a bag of sand around your living room and swapping the words ‘Communist’ to ‘Terrorist?’ (This simplistic and slightly childish analogy can be used time and time again, ensuring fun, fun, fun during the wintry nights ahead)

2) Conkers! – Possibly the greatest game two sturdy chaps could play. Simply pull out your shiny globes of pleasure, coat them in varnish, drill a hole right through the centre, add some string and your away! Hours of fun can be achieved by simply slamming your delicious-if-roasted balls together. And yes, by Conkers we do mean testicles.

3) And if all else fails there’s always the old favourite , Masturbation – A fun and lively activity for all the family (only not together, that would lead to all kinds of problems). Just wait, the winter chill will be gone in a spurt.

So there ya go, things to do and fun to be had. You lucky, lucky people!
And finally…A great big HAPPY BERTDAY to our Bass-slapping-whisky-chugging- beat-programming-man-beast Mr. Berty Trousers who turns 75 this very Thursday. Please leave your BERTDAY abuse in the comments box. YEHAAAA!

Bomb Culture - The reason you have ears

So Macho

The wheels are turning and the BC Groove Machine is in motion, powering towards this Saturdays appearance at the Fair Play Festival in the Lansdowne Hotel, Canton. Also at the Festival will be an exhibition from Bomb Culture’s very own Visual Slut , Mr Sul with his ’canvas based terrorism’ The Darkside Gallery. So if ya want your peepers popped and your dance gland throbbed, then head on down to the Fair Play Festival this very Saturday. You know it makes sense!

Oooooh, I also almost forgot to mention, BC will also be giving out their brand new and exclusive Bomb Culture Pin Badges, featuring the ever-popular Burning Glitterball Logo. These will be handed out on a strictly first-can-be-bothered-first-served basis. So get your grasping needy hands ready you scurvy dogs…

Anyhoooo, with all of the commotion of recording and jammin’ in the land of BC, I have been left with precious little time to actually write anything other than this update about the up-coming gig (Have I mentioned it’s this Saturday at the Fair Play Festival, Lansdowne Hotel Canton - 6pm?) and just to leave you with a tantalising hint of the Enormous, Mint @ Meze gig featuring Sicknote, Ninja Pigeons and Bass Pilots …but more of that next time…

So in lieu of a RANT or any other such ill-informed blathering here’s a really odd bit of advice from fur-pant-wearing-universe-saving- man mountain….HE-MAN. Enjoy!

Bizarre Heman and Shera PSA Funny Jokes at JibJab

Bomb Culture - Kneell before Zod

Glitter Ye Not!

As it seems absolutely imperative that every person in Britain knows the whereabouts of Gary ‘Paul Gadd’ Glitter we today eschew the usual sarcasm and issue a heartfelt plea:

Are you an Asian Country that would usually happily accept all manner of Western Perversion, but are slightly nervous because of the international press attention generated by an out-of-favour Glam Rock Star? Perhaps you would normally let ‘certain issues’ slide with just the touch of a few American Dollars ...Well worry no more, as with the speed it takes to jerk your knee, the British Government have ridden to the rescue! Absolutely not* spurred on by the Tabloid Press, the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has announced new measures to stop Pedophiles travelling abroad by removing the passports (ouch). A more cynical eye may have said, ‘Why didn’t you do this before Gary Glitter left the country, or in the intervening 2 years that he’s spent inside, instead of waiting for the inevitable media coverage when he was finally released’, but I’m sure a resolute Jacqui Smith would say something like ‘If you look at the facts from a year-on year perspective then and take into account the....blah..blah…fucking…blah’ etc.

Some would also say that 'What does it matter when we finally do something about this problem?' Well, y'know it does fucking matter when policy is constantly dictated by the Tabloid Press and the massive knee-jerk reaction it provokes. If the government had really given a shit about the hideous abuse doled out to children across the World by 'Sex Tourists' then they would have acted before The Sun told them to. Oh, and whilst we're on the subject, 'Sex Tourist?' Surely there's a better term than that? Most people on a Club18 -30 could be labelled a Sex Tourist...Hmmm Actaully if you have a better name for a Globe-Trotting Nonce why not pop it in our comments box? The best entry wins a badge! But I digress.....

C’mon Asia why not open your arms and welcome in ‘The Leader’ before it’s too late and we’re made to have him back here in England under the ’British Pedo’s for British Kids’ scheme. Don’t let the opportunity pass you by, you may not get another!**

*Well we say absolutley not, but well....oh you know...

**You may have noticed this entire article seems to have been a cheap rouse to put up some extremly childish pictures of Gary Glitter. Well, you'd be completley right, we are as tempted at a cheap shot as everyone else. YAY!

Next Time –Actual Band News with the run up to the FAIR PLAY Festival and BC’s very own club night….MINT at The MEZE! You've never'ad it sooooo good!

Bomb Culture – Do you wanna touch us, Yeah!

There's not a lot of it about

Until BC spurt their loins upon the live stage at the Fair Play Festival, we are once again in the barren wasteland of No Band News -Ville…So to make up for that, and inspired by a particularly peculiar comment from our very own Professor Krisps, I have found myself in the hallowed position of presenting....

The Illustrated Bomb Culture List of Shit You Don’t See Anymore…

Birds flying into windows – The sight of random feathered creatures battering themselves against clear glass was a highlight of anyone’s childhood memories, but as time moves forward this rare phenomenon seems to have disapated. Have birds learnt to be a bit more wiley when it comes to windows or is there something more sinister afoot? Were birds just lulling us into a false sense of security by pretending to be stupid and therby making their plans for global domination all the more fantastical to believe? You be the judge, as frankly I can’t be arsed.

Flashers wearing long macs and the bottom half of their trousers (from the knee down and secured with elastic) – Now, I can’t actually say I was ever accoseted by the ‘Park Perv’, but it seems to me that the media of my childhood were obsesed by this legendary figure. Huddled behind a bush wearing only a long mac and fake trouser bottoms, this right-handed casanova would leap into the path of a passing pedestrian, throw open his coat and jiggle his dangly bits, whilst also making the regulation noise of ‘PHWOAR! Have a butchers at that then!’ . Where did these bush-dweling love-machines go? Just like the ‘Weird Uncle’ that every family has, these lovabley dereanged perverts have seemingly disapered from our parks and dark alleyways, to be taken over in the media’s affections by his more glamorous sibling the pedophile. A sad sign of the times, if you ask me…so come on Britain, lets get back to what make Britain Great – Throw on your filthy mac’s and let’s bring back the Park Perv!

Warnings about stealing birds eggs – During my formative years the fear of becoming a viction of crime ran deep in my young bones, but the fear of the repurcusions of getting caught for a crime, ran even deeper. From the perspective of Media aimed at Children, the mopst heinous crime of all was Egg Theft. John Craven regularly reported on the theft of Eggs and just how widespread and despicable it was. Specially made adverts showing long-haired parka-wearing kids up trees rifling through nests for the egg-shaped bounty, were commonplace. I was terrified, but not because I ever had intetntion of stealing eggs (I really couldn’’t see why you would in the first place ) but just in case that unbeknowst to me, an egg would accidently tumble from a nest and land in my pocket, leading to arrest and incarciration – such was the power of the message. So what happened ? Did thieves suddenly realise that, actually there wasn’t very much profit in stealing eggs and reverted to stealing cash instead? Did the bird’s get wise and start locking their nests at night? Maybe we will never know, but to this day I still check my pockets when walking under trees.

So there ya go, a small number of things you don’t see any more, but we do not present these items to you as some sort of cosy nostalgia trip, we give them to you as a rallying call. If we truly want the nation of ours to be great then it’s up to us to bring back the Shit You Don’t See Anymore! So come on people, lets sellotape bread to windows and watch as birds crash into them, then whilst they’re still dazed we can follow them back to their nests, fill the pockets of our flashers mac’s with eggs, and jump from bushes wiggling our dangly bits. If everyone in Britain heard the call then we could build a new Jerusalem, and maybe just maybe, we could fill the World with love.

But it doesn’t end there…oh no! We’d like to know what you haven’t seen in a while! Maybe your hideously ugly and you haven’t been able to face yourself in the mirror for years, or perhaps your sickeningly obese and haven’t seen your penis since you were a child. Whatever quirky little thing or fun-packed abnormality it is , we want to knowto about it! Just leave your suggestion in the comment box below and we’ll do our best not to ignore it.
Oh, And just in case you forgot, the next gig is August 30th – Fair Play Festival , Lansdowne Hotel, Main Stage at 6pm! BE THERE!

Bomb Culture – A bit like Five Star but without the Nonce…Oh all right, with the Nonce

This should put the willies up ya!

In the slight lull between news items and as a special treat for loyal BC BLOG readers, here is a performance from the Groovy Ghoulies (The original not that American band that nicked the name...)
ENJOY!

THE GROOVY GOOLIES- '1,2,3' | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Hot Buttered Bomb Culture

Bleary eyed and watery of soul, I awoke this morning with a right old thumper in me noggin. Why? …Well it was all to do with the Sunday night shenanigans of Bomb Culture at Tantrum’s Summer Sundaze at Glo Bar. Squished into a corner of the bar the big ‘ol BC thundered through a warm and wet set that contained a plethora of ramshackle beats and squealin’ geetars. Ably supported by the rather excellent Rhythm Method and DJ’s Tommy Tank and Matt Owen, the night was a hazy evening of drunken debauchery. Of course, having already proved my credentials as a Rock N’ Roll God, I had nothing to prove and went home at 11.30…This however, was not enough to stop the thumping head rage with which I awoke this morning, so as I battle the bitch behind my eyes, let's have a little look around and see what’s happening in the wider World…with another occasional RANT!!!!!

Georgia on my Mind –Big bloody oil supply line , two corrupt arrogant super-powers banging heads, thousands of innocent people being blown to shit. The thing I find most depressing about all this is the sheer predictability of it all, I mean it’s hardly original is it? C’mon Warmongers you really must try harder, Damn it! Why not wage war on Switzerland in a bitter battle of attrition over the breakdown in supply of Cuckoo Clocks, or perhaps have a go at Hawaii over the trade in coconut shell bikinis and grass skirts. Oil supply and simple muscle-flexing arrogance really just doesn’t cut the mustard these days, so c’mon you filthy despotic leaders lets get creative! You’ve done so well in the past, just look at how you managed to make the annihilation of a whole race of humans sound like an advert for detergent- ‘Tired of the stinking …..* stealing you r jobs, money and women? Then try new Ethnic Cleansing .Bang! and the dirt is gone…*(Insert racial slur here) . So come along, USA and USSR lets have a little more ingenuity in your War Games or I’ll send you both to bed with no supper and a very sore bottom…and no, not in the nice way.

If all this talk of War has left you feeling slightly depressed here's a picture of a man wearing his very own home-made Tron Suit to cheer you up....

There, bet you feel better now eh?

In other news…Gravelly- voiced- smooth-Shaft- singing- Scientology- loving Isaac Hayes has shuffled off this mortal coil, almost quite literally. When found the running machine next to him was apparently still, er, running. Now usually I would poo-poo anyone who has the misfortune to be involved with a ‘religion’ based on a Sci-Fi writers idea to make a lot of stupid fucking celebrities lose a whole lot of stupid fucking money, but Hayes was different from say, Tom Cruise, in the key fact that he was talented (Yes ,before anyone brings it up, Tom Cruise was okay in Magnolia but in every other respect the man is a Grade A Penis). South Park aside, If Isaac Hayes had only written Shaft that would have been more than enough to earn him legendary status, but oh no, he also wrote Soul Man, Hold on I’m Coming and the classically titled album, Hot Buttered Soul …If there is a better name for an album I’d like to know it. So sidestepping the dodgy belief in Extra Terrestrials that look like John Travolta….Isaac Hayes..Bomb Culture Salutes You!!!!

And finally…The next gig for you loveable beat crazed monkeys is August 30th at the Fair Play 3 Day Festy at the Lansdowne Hotel, until then we’ll be studio bound writing and wriggling our beats into perfection (or as near as we can get considering our massive inadequacies).
Tune in next time when we’ll be asking John Leslie - did he really do it? And if he did, what did he do and why?

Bomb Culture – Can you Dig it?

Back from Blue Rock....

Since the dawn of time man has fought against his ancient enemy….Mud. Deep brown, sludgy and right old pain in the arse when it comes to moving around a festival site, but especially irritating if you are blessed with a broken leg and a pair of crutches. It was then, quite a sight to see our bass-slapping man-beast hobbling around on a pair of sticks through acres of the sludgy brown stuff. Obviously it would be a sick person indeed who laughed at a drunken man on crutches repeatedly falling in the mud…So just call me Mr. Sicko…

Anyhoooo, a massive smackerooo to the lovely peeps who came along and supported BC as they battled against a 6pm start time(?!?), an ocean of mud, and a parade that was scheduled for exactly the same time. On top of this the set was cut short by two songs…but like weebles that wobble but never fall down, BC powered through to play a right old blinder of a gig.

Apologies for the lack of Mr Styles and Mr Sul in these photos, their chirpy little mugs shall be with us as soon as we have the next lot of photos and will appear in the next bulletin…. (Oh and abig TA to Lisa for letting me nick these off her Facebook without asking)...Oh hang on here's one of Styles doing what he does best...No, not that...

If you did make it to the Festy, then Massive Snogs and big Love…,but if not, then you can console yourself by attending GLO BAR, Churchill Way, this very Sunday, where BC join Rhythm Method for one of Tantrum’s Summer Sundaze!!

Oh yes FREE ENTRY and a night with BC what could possibly be any better eh?eh?
We can guarentee that if you do go you’ll be as happy as this…..

Oh, and I almost forgot to thank the absolutley bolloxed hippie chick that wandered over to our camp at 4 am hung about and then laid a large steaming shit right outside the door of my tent. I was so giddy with delight at having a steaming human feaces outside of my tent that the mud and hangover beame something of an irrelevance. God bless you hippy chick, it takes a lot of class to shit in public and baby...you got's it!

Bomb Culture - A Fist full of adventure

Perversion to the Max!

The countdown has begun….Just four short teeny went days to go before BC hit the Blue Rock Festival –Got a ticket? No???What the fuck is wrong with you? Look below for the last entry click the link and get it sorted awwwwttttt!!!!

Now then….With Bomb Culture oiling up their musical twanggers in readiness for the weekend I have time for a once in while styleee RANT….

‘Freedom Gets A Spanking’ wailed The Sun as Max Moseley won a controversial victory over those Guardians Of Public Morals…The Tabloids. Now taking aside the fact that Mr. Moseley’s dad was a vicious right-wing twat who is justly vilified, why does The Sun (and all the seedy rags that jumped in to cry ‘foul’) think that they had any right to hide a camera in a private residence and film someone having sex? Yep, it was full-on bondage and spanking styleeee but what’s that got to do with anyone other than the spank-er and the spank-ee?
If I was to run up to a woman getting out of a taxi and shove a camera up her skirt, I’d be beaten to a pulp before being arrested…However, the paparazzi do this everyday in the name of Press Freedom and it’s deemed perfectly acceptable by the same people denouncing this court judgment. Apparently, it ‘goes with the territory’ and ‘celebrities should expect to be treated this way because it’s part of the job’.

Just like the justification of terrorism laws to increase surveillance in the name of ‘keeping Britain safe’, the freedom of the press is always sited when a shitty tabloid decides to exceed their remit and ‘expose’ someone for doing something in their private life that has no bearing on anyone else but themselves. The moral line that The Sun seems to have run back to, (now that they can no longer say it was all to do with Nazi’s or some such bollocks) is how ‘perverted and shameful’ Max Moseley is for indulging in sado-masochism. Morality? From Murdoch? Really??
I, like most people with a modicum of intelligence, have little time for pitiful and inaccurately named Celebrities (Seriously, what does Calum Best actually do?) but this kind of ‘reporting’ feeds on hypocrisy, cynicism and the kind of twisted morality that sends hordes of illiterate twats to burn down pediatricians houses, whilst clutching copies of The Sun, in which a 17 year girl proudly displays her tits for their titillation.

Surely the largest hypocrisy in all of this is the fact that to read The Sun you obviously have to be a sado-masochist with leanings only slightly further right than Genghis Khan.

Max Moseley might not be the most likeable guy in the room, but he, like everyone else, has the right to been chained up and have a vibrator shoved up his arse without it being secretly filmed and appearing on The Sun’s Website. ‘Look at this filth it’s disgusting’ they cry as thousands of sweaty palmed internet viewers cluck their tongues and work themselves into a lather.
Ahhhhh fuck it, I’m off to strap an orange into my gob and hang my nuts through a glory hole…Anyone got a camera?

A full report on festy shenanigans will magically appear here next week, until then, See ya at The Blue Rock, People!

Bomb Culture - 354 billion pounds cheaper than a tin of Zimbabwean beans

Small is Beautiful - UPDATED 22ND JULY SCROLL DOWN FOR NEW BITS!!!!

Howdy peeps, and welcome back! As you may (or may not) have noticed there has been a short hiatus in the updating of this little old blog of ours, so mucho appologies to our regular reader(s), but even the voice of BC needs a wee bit of downtime every now and then, and that is exactly what I got. In true Rock N' Roll stylee I got myself to the throbbing heart of the English cultural holiday scene by taking a caravan down in Devon. Whilst there, I truly pushed the anarchic boat out by visiting the Mecha of Rebellion... the Babacombe Model Village. Now there may be one or two of you out there who are ready to mock or dis-believe that the seminal delights of the Babacombe Model Village could in any way ever be described as either Rock or Roll...Well if that's so, just check out the sex and violence that I witnesed at this haven of all things small and sinful...

First the SEX... (See if you can spot the shaggers amongst the nudey beach folk)

And now the Violence....

So there ya go, proof if proof be needed that Model Village's ROCK!

Anyhoooo, on returning home I was moist to notice that a whole raft of gigs had been lined up in my abscence.We're just dotting the 'I's' and crossing the 'T's' and putting the little squiggley line at the bottom of the 'Q', so call back here on Tuesday for a full update on the upcoming BC Gig List....Although if you're reading this on Tuesday, then just ignore this sentence and go straight to the bit below this bit...Actually if you stopped reading the last bit you wouldn't know to look down to the bottom bit so go back and re-read it before you ignore that sentence and then jump to the bottom. Don't bother reading this bit though it will only confuse you.

Gonna keep it short and sweet for today as I have to shake the sand from my cracks and flick the crabs from pants. Okay then, meet back here on Tuesday, I'll be the one wearing red and carrying a vibrating effige of the Pope.

Oh and for all those who added their thoughts to the comments box about last weeks 'what was the song I was humming', the actual answer was Every Loser Wins by Nick Berry. As no-one got it right, the prize of a good hard Pig Poncing is Rolled-Over to this week...So answers on a postcode or comment box please for the following..Shabbb ab ba ba daaaa da daaaaa do lal lala.

Don't all rush at once now will ya?

UPDATED BIT - 22ND JULY!!!

Ooooookay then, as promised here’s the first glimpse of the new raft of gigs coming up in the next month…..

1ST - 3RD AUGUST 2008
CELTIC BLUE ROCK FESTIVAL - LLANFYMACH, NEAR PEMBROKESHIRE

AUGUST 10TH
TANTRUM SUMER SUNDAZE - GLO BAR CARDIFF

AUGUST 30TH
FAIR PLAY FESTIVAL - LANSDOWNE HOTEL CANTON, CARDIFF

SEPTEMBER 11TH
MEZE LOUNGE NEWPORT (SUPER-DOOPER SECRET LINE-UP YET TO BE ANNOUNCED)

So there ya go me little munchkins, a wee smorgasbord of dates for your diary all with the BC Seal of Grooviness (This is not an actual seal –Bert is a bloody vegan and wouldn’t let us slaughter one for the purpose).

In other news…If you’re the kind of Daily Mail reading, knee-jerk reaction loving terror monger who quivers under the bed sheets every time Trevor MacDonald pronounces that Britain’s streets are awash with knife-wielding hoodlums who would slit you from gill to gizzard for the price of this weeks Beano, then click here for a wee bit of perspective (shockingly it’s from The Times, but don’t let that put you off)…..CLICK ME FOR I AM A LINK TO A NEW STORY AND I LOVES IT I DOES

And finally…Here’s a comedic picture of a guy who really should have ducked…ENJOY!

Bomb Culture - Flicking the arse of hatred with the soggy towel of love

Dribbly eye goo

A cloud of pure inspiration swept over the city of Cardiff last night, as the fevered machinations of BC spurted out of the gaps in the studio walls and permeated the air, making it rain sugary sweet droplets of honey-coated musicality. Oh yes dear person, the white heat of the recording sessions for the highly anticipated BC Long-player are in full swing. We have skinned cats, terrorised nuns and generally screeched like banshees to make those oh so pleasant noises that you demand, so do remember to buy the bloody thing won't you, eh? eh?
But what's that I hear you cry?

'We’re looking forward to LP, but what oh what, is coming up on the whole live music front then eh?'
Wow! Slow down there buddy, you just said a mouthful...let me enlighten you in the ways of the upcoming gigs by providing you with these handy links.....

Celtic Blue Rock Festival - I AM A LINK, CLICK ME I LOVE IT

Fair Play 3 Day-er - No link available yet but look at this luverly poster.....

So, are you back from your clicking to other page adventures yet? You're not? Okay well while we wait for you to return here's some music..

La la la la laaaaaaaaaa, laa laa laa la la, La la la la laaaaaaaaaa, laa laa laa la la*

Ahh, there you are. Now then, as it has become something of a tradition for me to ramble on with any old nonsense I thought I would share with you the peculiar ways in which the general public have stumbled across this blog via the gift of the Search Engine. If you're reading this then I can only assume you came here for news of Cardiff's premier bunch of beat driven rascals, but other viewers seemed to stumbled across this blog via the method of the search...Here, for your delectation are a few of the most peculiar search words that have led the populace to this page...

A popular search has been for the use of the words Splod and Cordwangle - Obviously Kenneth Williams fans, so we can at least assume that they have good taste

Someone in Ontario searched Google for the words, which I used to describe myself...Hamster Cheeked Lothario...Obviously a popular phrase in America or my enormous-faced fame has spread to the former colonies

A guy from Wiltshire came by looking for the phrase Mam Dog - Particularly weird as this was Mr. Sul's much loved and missed pet pooch - Gawd knows what the guy was looking for perhaps a Motherly Canine appreciation site?

Possibly the best search was, however from someone from Australia searching for - Tickety Boo Gay Pumping - I can only assume they were very disappointed by what they found. Obviously they were after a website about a happy clock maker who also ran a bicycle repair shop.

So there ya go, if you found this page via the method of an odd search word then let us know what it was in the comment box below -You may have searched for 'talentless bunch of Wankers' or 'Unfunny Arsewipe who won't just shut the fuck up', whatever it was we want to know!

Until next time, here are a few words for Google searchers everywhere....Winkle, Sheepshank, Squirt...Right let's see who turn's up then eh?

*(There's a prize for anyone who can correctly guess the tune - leave your thought in the comments box)

Bomb Culture - We live in Dolly Parton's gills.

The unbearable lightness of bulbs --NEW UPDATED BIT 3RD JULY...SCROLL DOWN..

With the THWACK of leather on willow and the prospect of another British hopeful soon to crash out of Wimbledon, it can only mean one thing...The Great British Summer, and with it The Great British Festival Season! For your good pals BC however, this has been translated to The Great Shit-ish Hardly Any Festy’s Season Due to Incapacitation of Leggage (or GHSFSDIL to those who enjoy a good an acronym). But fear not dear lover of the Culture that is Bomb, for as the tropical sizzle of a true Brit Summer heads into the sultry days of August, BC will wiggle their way onto the live scene with a slot at The Celtic Blue Rock Festival (1st -3rd August …Info here) and then on to a slot at the inaugural Progressive Peace 3-day shindig at the Lansdowne Hotel. Set in the Canton area of Cardiff, this is a first 3-dayer of it’s kind in Cardiff and should be a great big bag of delicious loveliness.
So do not be downhearted sweet children of beats, for we is returning soon!

In other news ….I can’t describe quite how cringing the following clip is other than to say that the guy giving the award is the minister for Culture….Yep, he’s one of the people in charge…..CLICK HERE FOR A MOMENT OF ZEN

Oh and final word on the peculiar cult of the Pig Ponce that seems to have sprung up in the comment boxes of the last few posts – In order to set the record straight on the true nature of Pig Poncing, BC are now accepting visual interpretations of this, most luminescent of practices, so if you would like to send us a drawing of what a good Pig Poncing means to you then send them to the usual address: bombculture@gmail.com.
To start you off here’s what it means to a pirate:

The best entries will be displayed here and judged by someone who probably saw an edition of Take Hart when they were a kid or something. The usual T-Shirt and Mama Bomb Culture’s Pickled Onions of Love and Destiny are available to the winner, so please do enter as we’ve got fucking loads of the things.
Back in the studio tonight for the first tentative steps towards re-emerging with Berty’s newly bionic leg, wish us luck me little darling's..

NEWS JUST IN......THIS NEW BIT ADDED 3RD JULY !!!!

Saw this on the comedy Website Chortle and had to include it here as it's sooooooo good.....enjoy!

Christian zealot Stephen Green is facing bankruptcy over his failed bid to bring a blasphemy case against Jerry Springer The Opera.
The head of lobby group Christian Voice had been ordered to pay £90,000 in costs after losing his long-running battle against the show and its screening on BBC Two.
Now he wants licence-fee payers to cover his bill, saying it would be a better way of spending viewers’ money than funding BBC Three and Four.
The BBC's solicitors, who acted for director-general Mark Thompson, were awarded £55,000 in cost and Olswangs Solicitors, who acted for Jon Thoday, of producers Avalon, were awarded £35,000.
The High Court ruled last December that Green could not prosecute the pair over the show, written by Stewart Lee and Richard Thomas.
The money was due yesterday, but Green says he doesn't have it – and will have to go bankrupt if forced to pay up. He has written to both Thompson and Thoday inviting them to waive their costs ‘in the interests of goodwill and justice’.
He said: ‘Thoday can easily afford to waive his costs as well. He lost £500,000 over the failed tour of Jerry Springer The Opera in 2006, and didn't bat an eyelid, so he isn't exactly short of money either.’
However, the main reason the tour lost money was Green threatening to picket and prosecute any theatre that staged it. He has gloated: ‘Our campaign against the theatre tour of Jerry Springer the Opera was highly successful, by the grace of God. The producers and theatres lost a fortune and Stewart Lee himself said it was ruined.’
As he pleaded for ‘goodwill’ yesterday, Green said: ‘It should be enough for Mark Thompson and Jonathan Thoday that they got away with blasphemy, at least in this life. For these rich, powerful men to pursue me into the bankruptcy courts over money I don't have would be vindictive.'
He also said the BBC was ‘wasting’ £150million on BBC Three and BBC4 Four as well as the recent £550,000 rebranding of BBC News.
‘Mark Thompson earns well over 20 times as much in a year as I am worth. He could pay his own costs out of his inflated salary, and the BBC certainly would never notice the odd £55,000 alongside the money they squander on a daily basis.
'Quite simply, I do not have the money, and will be certainly end up bankrupt if Thompson and Thoday decide to enforce these punitive costs.'
A BBC spokesman said: ‘While we will look at this request, it is important to remember it was Mr Green who chose to seek to bring a private prosecution for a criminal offence.
‘We always believed the case had no merit and should never have been brought but clearly had no choice but to defend against it. It is regrettable that the BBC was forced to spend considerable public money doing so.’
An online petition set up by Christian Voice has attracted 944 signatures – but several are duplicates, and many more actually used the form to register their disapproval of Green’s plea.
One said: ‘I don't understand. It was God's will when you brought the action. It was God's will when you denied cancer sufferers much needed money. It was God's will when your organisation issued death threats against comedians. Is it not also God's will that you be bankrupted then? Or does His will only apply when it's to your own benefit Mr Green?’
A counter-petition saying Green should pay his own costs has received 143 signatures,

Bomb Culture - Stewart Lee ain't the devil no more

Shminky minky

Don’t ya just hate those joke emails, that whilst kinda funny in content, end with a patronising little message such as ‘ Now that you’ve smiled today, why not pass on this message and make some other folk smile?’….Well to those message mongers I say - No, fuck you, why should I, and more importantly what are you gonna do if I don’t? Apologies for beginning this little rant in such a negative manner but whilst BC are still in a state of flux (due to the snapped leg-age of our idiotic bass-playing man-beast), I have began to grow irritable about the sheer lack of Bomb Culture based news to impart to you dear, loyal and faceless reader (I’m sure you do actually have a face, I just have no idea what it looks like and therefore have to envision you as some form of amorphous blob. Perhaps like a potato with a face drawn on in biro or something).
So with little to say whilst the band’s forced hiatus continues, we move our peepers once again to other affairs and yet another BC Salute….

George Carlin – Awww Crap! It’s getting like a bleedin’ morgue around here! First of Stan Winston kicks the rubberised bucket, and now George Carlin! Now, I have to confess to not knowing a great deal about the great man, but from the early days of Saturday Night Live to his last years as (bizarrely) the American voice of Thomas The Tank Engine (Actually not so odd we had Ringo Starr) , Carlin was, as one tribute put it ‘a real funny motherfucker’.

Here’s a bit from the Chortle website just to put you in the picture…Carlin will be best known for his controversial Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television routine. He was arrested for obscenity for performing it in 1972, but its later airing on a New York radio station led to a groundbreaking US Supreme Court case in 1978, which led to a nationwide 10pm watershed for indecent material. Of the case, Carlin said: ‘My name is a footnote in American history, which I'm perversely kind of proud of.’

And here’s the great man in action…CLICK ME I AM A LINK AND I AM FILTHY

So, for services to the use of bad words by good people….George Carlin, Bomb Culture Salutes You!!!

Nothing much else to report today – I’m off into the Heart of Darkness on a kayaking trip with Mr.Sul tomorrow, so if your near a river bank on the steaming tropical delta that is The River Wye, then why not rip off your under-skirts and wave at us like Jenny Aguter in The Railway Children.

Next time – Actual, proper news about the band and a report into how the residents of Mid Wales made a Visual Artist squeal like a pig.

Bomb Culture - May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.